Do you remember how you felt when you first fell in love with your partner?

The vulnerability in the face of possible rejection, the excitement, the all-consuming passion and finally the exultant triumph at having won ‘the ultimate game’… Do you miss that feeling? Do you wish you could reclaim it? You are not alone. For men, it’s common to feel that your partner cares more about the kids than about you. But there is a way to rekindle that spark! This is how Jenny and Vince did it.

Jenny and Vince had met on an online dating site. Up until that point they both felt destined for the single life and a lonely future, but once their profiles ‘matched’, they each felt the excitement of optimism rush through their bodies. They connected on Facebook for months before they met in person, but when they finally did, it was a passionate meeting of hearts, minds and… you know the rest! Quicker than you could say “Tinder”, they were talking about wedding plans, bridesmaids and song options for Jenny’s walk down the aisle.

Their brief engagement – followed soon after by their wedding nuptials – happened in part because they both felt strongly that they’d waited long enough to find each other, and in part because they were keen to start a family of their own. Vince, a good few years older than Jenny, wasn’t getting any younger!

In a few short months, their life had taken a 360 degree turn, and now their dream of starting a family was complete! They had become the proud Mum and (probably even prouder) Dad of the most gorgeous twin girls. This game-changer meant Jenny’s studies were placed indefinitely on hold. Vince continued working his way through the various courses and exams necessary to obtain a managerial position offering better prospects. Together they began the exciting process of building a home for their growing family.

As time went on, the little ones discovered their voices. They were learning new words all the time – very cute when they had animated conversations in their unique twin chatter! Vince loved hearing their welcoming voices when coming home from work hearing them screech “Dadda!”, tripping towards him, tiny arms outstretched and faces wreathed in smiles. It filled his soul to overflowing.

But the Munchkins had also become increasingly mobile, usually heading off in opposite directions when they went out shopping. Most recently they had taken to throwing tantrums if Jenny stopped them from sharing their cookies with the neighbour’s ever-present Labrador, or when they didn’t want to take a nap. All in all, they could be a bit of a handful at times!

While Jenny loved being their Mum, she became increasingly worn and frazzled. One morning, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she carried the umpteenth basket of washing to the washing machine, at the same time scooping up the toys that lay scattered around the living-room. Her blouse was stained with alphabet soup and her hair looked a mess. Thank goodness men miss the details, she mused!

She lovingly took care of their girls, kept their home neat and made a healthy dinner every evening; but just sometimes thought back to the days when she and Vince would sit and enjoy conversation over a glass of wine or beer, and a simple meal. Sensing that their family life was slowly cooling the spark they once shared, one evening Vince decided he’d surprise Jenny by making dinner.

Unfortunately, Vince was completely out of his comfort zone! If only he’d been a budding Master Chef enthusiast, or at least hadn’t burnt their dinner leaving nearly every pot they owned stacked in the sink and the kitchen in a huge mess! Vince couldn’t understand why Jenny wasn’t that delighted at his attempt at making her dinner. So, with that assigned to ‘epic fail’ status, the couple jumped at the suggestion of a date night out when Jenny’s parents arrived for their stay some weeks later.

They made the most of the opportunity and booked at a nearby restaurant – Jenny looking gorgeous and Vince handsome as ever. But Jenny was distracted and found that she couldn’t relax completely. She was thinking of the girls. Were they safe? Did they like what their grandparents were cooking them? It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her parents to take of them, but she questioned whether or not they could interpret the girls needs as well as she did. Not only that, but she really missed the girls, even if it was just one evening! Vince was frustrated. To say he didn’t understand would be something of an understatement.

When they returned home less than two hours later, his Father-in-law called him aside. “Is something the matter, Vince?” he paused. “Ever heard the saying ‘Happy wife, happy life’? What you’ve got here isn’t that uncommon in a young relationship, especially considering that you’re still adjusting to becoming parents – of twins at that!”. Vince nodded.

“Truth is Jenny’s not even sure what she wants! So, take it from an old hand… First off, give her flowers often – ALL women love flowers. Next, shake up the routine. A change is as good as a holiday, so if she’s not ready to leave the girls to go out on a date night, bring the date night to her. Every now and then ban her from the kitchen. Order takeaways, pour her a glass of wine and then keep the girls distracted for an hour or two. Let her unwind, maybe read a book or catch up with her friends on that Facebook-thing. Speaking from experience, you’ll be seeing a lot more of the Jenny you first fell in love with,” he said with a wink.

“A sure sign of a man’s strength is how gently he loves his wife.” — FIERCEMARRIAGE.COM

Luckily Vince wasn’t a stubborn man. He took the advice and slowly made it happen. At first nothing really changed – Jenny was as focused as ever on the twins, and he just had to live with his rather ‘absent’ partner. But after a few ‘date nights’ at home with a pizza and movie – and at couple of attempts of spontaneous romance – she quickly began to appreciate his attempts at helping her relax and enjoy their time together away from the kids. After a few months, they started having dinner out and taking dance classes together as Jenny became more and more comfortable with leaving the kids with their grandparents. Vince found the key to making their relationship feel ‘just like old times’ whenever he and Jenny needed it. They were happy to have two beautiful kids and a supportive family. But, when it came to igniting the ‘fire’ in their relationship, they could switch it on like a light bulb!

– A Story by Julie Purkis and John Paul Lopez Taberdo